Note: all entries are transcribed from my audio recorder on open computers with power then onto a flash drive to be posted when the net comes back up.


I dont know what i expected to find here. I'm standing in what used to be my parents house, now its just a empty tomb. i found my mother....she's gone. Im glad she died without being turned but...(sounds of subdued crying then a sniffle) I can hear dallas in the pantry looking for canned food. We have to always be within earshot of one another. There was a instance in the woods on the way here when we got seperated. We both agreed it wouldnt happen again.
Thats how people die in these situations i suppose. (deep breath) After we finish here we're gonna raid my brothers trailer which is right next door. I hope he's dead because this probably would have pushed him over the edge. If he's alive we have just as good a chance at being blown in half by one of his many guns or bombs. He was a crazy ex-con survivalist with alcoholism and paranoia with a good dose of racism thrown in. But he had tools and weapons we can use as well as plenty of survival gear and books. Then i'm gonna bury my mother.

Note: all entries are transcribed from my audio recorder on open computers with power then onto a flash drive to be posted when the net comes back up.

(whispered voice)
As i sit here i'm covered in blood, dirt, sweat, and a obscene smell of vomit. It's night and according to my watch it's about one o'clock in the morning on june 15th. Its only been two days since i killed my first zombie. I dont like that word so much anymore. It makes it all seem so much less believeable even in my mind. I'm currently hiding with several other people in my apartment. i've talked to dallas, i'm leaving tommorrow morning. i hope he comes with me. we havent seen brooke since all this shit went down and he's positive she's still alive and that she's gonna come back here. He's holding on to false hope in my opinion. Hope is nessisary now but false hope is deadly. Everyone else is positive that the military will eventually come to rescue us but i'm unsure. i gave them two days. two whole days if the military was gonna do anything they would have already started. hell we should have at least heard something more then moaning and screaming and the occasional distant explosion. i'm taking bare minimum of supplies. i'm even leaving my sword. its to bulky and heavy. just my hammer and hopefully i can get a baseball bat somewhere. my sleeping bag some food my survival book and a few other odds and ends. enough so that if i have to ditch the truck (which i probably will) i wont have a problem hiking it. i'm leaving my house keys with Will, him and his girl will be fine here at least for a while i hope. I know i'm not coming back here unless its all over. (muttering in background) ok my times up gonna try to get some sleep and let someone else stand look out.

Note: all entries are transcribed from my audio recorder on open computers with power then onto a flash drive to be posted when the net comes back up.


It started on my 25th birthday june 11th 2008. I blame myself sometimes because i had had a bad day and when i blew out my candles my wish was for a zombie apocalypse. Not a normal wish, i understand this, but i'd had a obsession that even my closest friends had questioned for years prior to this date. I called myself a zombie apocalypse survivalist because it was my hobby to look into this macabre although seemingly unrealistic eventuality. I was in my own opinion ready for the day the undead would walk the earth and consume the flesh of the living. I made plans kept supplies and weapons ready for any situation i could come up with. I would jokingly tell my loved ones that i'd try to save them but if they got bit i'd kill them without hesitation.....i only kept some of those promises. Just for background information i wasnt an athletic guy or especially skilled in anything. I was only a 140lb nerd with severe astigmatism and i worked at a video game store in the local mall. Wilmington NC was where i lived in a small two bedroom apartment with my room-mate dallas and his pregnant girlfriend brooke.

Then the day that changed the world, friday june 13th. I had heard of slight problems in major cities with riots the day between my birthday and that friday. i didnt piece it all together until the 13th because i didnt really believe in watching the news and the spin that mass media put on things. now i wish i had, because if i had that extra day...things might have ended better for my family and friends.

so i missed out on "blog like its the end of the world" but i really liked the idea. so i think i'm gonna write when ever i feel like it about my "survival" of a zombie apocolypse.


next time on bash's wild ride of death... the end of the world! Zombie style!

mood: creative

my faulty car and my inabilty to remember to grab my phone has made me feel like a jackass on my birthday. that about sums up my 25th birthday. and i'm hungery. everybody says its ok but i still feel like a jackass.

# is as follows 910 620 9578

mood: cold

its been a year and a half at game stop...my usual limit is 8 months....i'm finding a new job....this one is once again taking from me more then i'm willing to give to a corperation that eats souls. its killing my love of video games. its a hassle dealing with other managment that thinks i'm not "managment material" and finally i can count. i count things double most of the time and somehow money seems to be being misplaced or being counted wrong by other people and then i'm getting the blame. so i done. not gonna fight for a job i dont really want. i'm putting in my resume other places

i miss the warmth really. the comfort of being wanted. my apartment can be quite cold and lonely sometimes. compound upon this that i only seem to hang out with couples, oh and that my little brother is getting married in oct. and that my room mate just found out last night he's gonna be a dad. what am i doing wrong...that was the wrong word. i know i'm not doing anything wrong so much as not getting what would make me happy. and yeah sure i've read a few books on zen so i kinda just tell myself to enjoy the moment no matter if its a good moment or otherwise but its damn hard to be at peace with yourself when your cold and lonely. watching donnie darko probably didnt help either. its just a dread of crawling into my bed is developing. i want to over come this fear but really....its not easy to face the crushing defeat that the world can pour in on you at times. i didnt write this for sympathy which is why you cant comment. i wrote it as a step in the direction of defeating the cold scaly monster i call fear. its hiding in my empty bed right now. oh and as a side note i also realized i have no best friend. friends yes...good and close friends yes ...wise friends yes but no best friend. oh and i had a dream not to long ago that i actually remembered. which is a big thing for me i havent really had a vivid dream that i could remember in a very long time. this one seemed so real that i was convinced it was real and it was damn depressing when i woke up...so depressing in fact that i cried. well i suppose thats enough wallowing in self pity that i can possibly stand at the moment. goodnight and good luck to you all at facing what scares you in the dark.

mood: lonely

i'm single again.....hmmmmmm

mood: depressed

so i have started a gaiming group and i am the ST....its frickin hard. so yeah in the first actual day the players have beaten up a innocent man and assulted his mother (because he wouldnt let them dig in his backyard at 10 pm oh and his brother had just had his arm torn off at a family picnic in said backyard...unlucky family huh?). we're playing the white wolf game scion which from a player stand point is easy and fun if albeit overpowered; which i knew. what i didnt know (maybe this is just me as a first time ST) is that these books are hard to understand rules wise they contradict each other they lack adaquit stats for some monsters/titan spawn and finally they give very little in ideas (or how to impliment your own ideas). but its worth it because they players...all the players were happy at the end of the night and wanted more. as to the story i'm running for them its basically the base story the give in the back of the book but with lots of little tweeks to make it my own. The characters are working security for a convention of their parents (who happen to be gods if you didnt know what scion was) and lots of problems arise from that. things that i'm doing differently from the outlined story include a mastermind ghost scion, a troupe of evil cultist preformance artists and a trial of the gods. nothing much huh? yeah i probably should have held back on my first time round but i gotta reach for the stars. besides they said they wanted a good plot.

tags: gaming

after re-reading that last post...yeah even i was confused. i've found a place to live and hopefully it's all gonna go over smoothly. the lease is signed and everythings seemingly ok. the personal relationship problems i was having seem to be handled for now. i'm hoping to get a gaming group started within the next month (need to get books/computer set up as well as a table to play at) now if i can find enough money to pay for smokes and gas for the next week i'll survive. i like being strong and weak. oh by the way i think i'm gonna go buddhist so if anyone out there wants to help me learn about said doctrine send websites or book titles. i hope all of you are fairing well and if not find the surface of the water soon enough.
-sebastian

mood: sleepy

i'm happy and unhappy shoot me
just when things are good their not but when in doubt consider this "if only"s are bad but the reality of truth hurts but it hurts so good

think i've found a place to live ::fingers crosses:: hope to send presents to you guys soon (yes desi that includes the wii points i owe you :) and i miss everybody
Sabbie

Hey Momma,
I'm guessing lots of government type people have been chatt'n you up about me recently. Tellin you all sorts of nasty things about me, hows I'm a terrorist and all; but I'm here to tell you they got it all wrong. The job I got in seattle wasnt as great as I told you, but it wasnt as bad as they are makin it out to seem either.
I want you to understand that I havent lost it and that I'm still fightin the good fight, for god and america but sometimes these government types get a notion in their heads thats just plain stupid. Anyways I'm in a bit of a tight spot right now but I dont want you to worry about me, I'm doin fine and when things get back to normal I'll be home to see you and the rest of the family. I know that you wanna know where I'm at right now but I'm bettin you that someone other then you is readin' this as well and if I'm right then it wouldnt make much sense in just tellin them what I'm trying so hard not to let them find out. I'm not gonna lie to you momma you know I'm in trouble and I know I'm in trouble but I also remember dad tellin me that when I get into trouble I should do what I think is right and damn what happens later. I also remeber him telling me that if a fight starts I should end it and thats exactly what I'm doin momma.
Tell the family I love them and that I'm doin' fine.
I love you momma.
Bear

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."
A simple rhyme has made me think deeply about the part I play in this grand scheme of undeath. Am I the spider in this poem? Am I the fly? Or do I play both roles at different times? I am a priest. I am a predator. I read somewhere that a spider is a perfect predator as much are the kindred. Spiders are a very unique breed of life. The similarities between spiders and kindred are in my opinion numerous. Each type of spiders hunts and kills in different fashions depending on their inherent abilities much like we do. Another interesting comparison is our shared love of drinking from our victims. A spider goes through three stages of life which when looked upon closely can be compared to our three stages of life. And then you have the most obvious relationship which are our fangs. They serve a slightly different purpose but they are there.
But I am also feeling an affinity towards the fly, for a radically different reason. I feel that the fly is being pulled by a force that is useless to battle because I am being used by something for a purpose that I have little control over. I believe many other kindred feel the same because they relish the predator side of undeath to help ignore the pawn aspect of it.
This conundrum bothers me but I have a appointment to keep with the coterie so I will speak more on this matter at a later date.
-Ryan

i'm gonna help make a web comic (i'm the guy who gets to come up with the plot)! its about a zombie detective "Johnny Dead Private Eye" when it comes down to finding out whats going on in Darkside he's the man...er...undead to call. Darkside is a town thats got a very unusual underbelly of crime. Its where werewolves, vampires, zombies and other creepy monsters of the night make their homes unbeknownst to the mortals; well they try at least. Other possible characters include a werewolf named frank, a vampiress named petunia, a mortition named cindy, and a dead cat named buckie. wish me luck
-sebastian

When I was a boy and I saw the local priest I saw a man filled with unquestionable faith in god. That is the ideal that must make myself live up to; as one would think any mortal would have doubts. As a kindred though, one would think it is even easier to have faith in god or at least some higher power. I mean what other force could stave off death for our kind if not a god? However my faith is lacking. What god would do this to one of his children? Certainly not the god I was raised to believe in is this sadistic. I have done the research I know of the many beliefs that populate this tiny world; I know of gods that might have visited this punishment on man. I wish I could say that this curse was a accident but the god I believe in makes no mistakes. I wish I console myself with the thought of its fate but the god I believe in gave man free will. I wish I could say this is the work of the devil but I can not think that my unlife is in the service of the beast. Since I brought the beast into this I should tell you that I fight the beast on a nightly basis, inside my body dwells a animalistic nature that struggles constantly. It is the part of me that I truly believe is owned by a force of evil. In dealing with this beast I grow weak both in spirit and control. It is growing late and the time to sleep is upon me. I apologize for this but it is another weakness that I have had to deal with.
Peace be with us all
-Ryan

In undeath I must wonder if in fact I still have my soul or if I merely have a mind to operate this body. Most vampires consider this question important but I feel that it weighs more heavily on my mind for many reasons. My faith in the one true god has been shaken since that night in the hospital, when I was turned from the path of light to this shade of life. I joined the sanctum when I learned of it in the hopes of preserving my faith but it has only seemed to slow my decline into the devils arms. My congregation acts as if they believe the words of god but how am I supposed to trust a flock of creatures who do the devils work? The only kindred that I truly trust are my Coterie. Why are they different I ask myself? Daniel is constantly living in sin, Natasha is a heathen in most respects, Keith is a thief, and even the company we keep is highly questionable. Lennon, a personal friend of Daniel’s, seems to be a servant of his fear and wraith. Last night we even joined on the side of a werewolf and killed (by accident I am told) two innocents in a battle. Luckily we were able to save the two children before they bled to death. The only one I feel totally comfortable with is Vincent, the Englishman; he seems to act the most human in the group. However to completely contradict our obvious flaws they seem to do the work of god. We have stopped many evil doers in the past several months including, bank robbers, zombies, and an evil deacon. For some reason our motley group has made me believe there is hope for us yet.
When I said Daniel is living in sin I probably should have used the more common and modern phrase of ”being a homo turning tricks”. I heard that expression somewhere maybe on Music TeleVision (I was trying to reach the more youthful members of our kind). He really does have a good heart; well that might possibly be an incorrect phrase as well, as undead none of us have good hearts. But that’s beside the point, Daniel has qualities that not only make him useful to the group, he also has more human qualities. For example he has risked his life for our work on several occasions not to mention last night he played a major role in saving the two children.
Natasha might not worship god but I believe she is in his army. She is our lead investigator in my opinion; without her we would have lost our way many times. I actually met her when I was handling an artifact for the sanctum and had to hire her and Vincent to ascertain that it wasn’t a fake. Since that time I have come to the conclusion that she is truly out to help the world, instead of drain it dry like some of our kind tries to do.
Keith…well Keith and I do not see eye to eye and with his actions last night I have grown wary of him; and I doubt that I ever will see him as a true member of our group. I know very little of Keith but his actions speak loudly of violence and theft and I hope with as many good influences as he has around him he can turn his unlife towards the greater good.
The group has many flaws and I include myself in this statement because I have fallen several times as well; but we also strive to make this world a better place.
Go with god
-Ryan

Sept. 18th , 2001
"I will sweep away everything in all your land," says the LORD. "I will sweep away both people and animals alike. Even the birds of the air and the fish in the sea will die. I will reduce the wicked to heaps of rubble, along with the rest of humanity," says the LORD. "I will crush Judah and Jerusalem with my fist and destroy every last trace of their Baal worship. I will put an end to all the idolatrous priests, so that even the memory of them will disappear. For they go up to their roofs and bow to the sun, moon, and stars. They claim to follow the LORD, but then they worship Molech, too. So now I will destroy them! And I will destroy those who used to worship me but now no longer do. They no longer ask for the LORD's guidance or seek my blessings." (Zephaniah 1:2-6 NLT)

God spoke those words my children. He spoke them to the world; to mortals and kindred alike. And yet those words still fell on deaf ears. There are yet those that have heard the words of god and turned their back. Even after their rebirth some of our brother and sister kindred have turned their backs to the one true god. If that is not enough, they have whispered their lies and spread the virus that they deem fit to call true religion. The ones I speak of call themselves the Circle of the Crone. God speaks of idolatrous priests and how he will put an end to them. Should we not, as warriors of god, try to teach them the wrongness of their ways and save them? Should we not battle them and show them the righteousness of God? We should make them cower in their holes because as warriors of god we do his work. God speaks of crushing Baal worship and destroying those who have turned their backs to him. God speaks of reducing the wicked to heaps of rubble. God’s word is law to a true believer. Are you a true believer? I hope you are my children. I plan on showing these kindred the righteousness of god and if they fail to see the truth then I will eradicate these blasphemers in the name of god.

Let us contemplate the words of god

Meanwhile, the LORD instructed one of the group of prophets to say to another man, "Strike me!" But the man refused to strike the prophet. Then the prophet told him, "Because you have not obeyed the voice of the LORD, a lion will kill you as soon as you leave me." And sure enough, when he had gone, a lion attacked and killed him. (1 Kings 20:35-36 NLT)

We are the lions of god. God has bestowed us with powers and responsibility far beyond any mortal. Kindred are his true chosen. We are the sheep dogs that nip at the ankles of his flock, warning them of the evil that lies beyond. You notice the differences in my physical body; I chose this form to better represent the strength that I possess. To be a lion in the service of god requires us to actively seek out true evil and crush it without mercy. To be a lion in the service of god requires us to find true faithful and guide them leading them towards the face of god. I ask you all to uncompromisingly work towards the betterment of all mortals. I ask you all to rise above the temptations of this world and be kindred, not vampires. I ask no more of you then god does. We are all children of god. Every species on this planet has been given a place by god in his order. We as kindred are no different and we should use our gifts to serve god.

Let us pray